How to ensure you stay a smoker for the rest of your life

How to ensure that you stay a smoker for the rest of your life

1. The best start is with an addictive personality. The more in denial you are of your addictive personality the longer you will be comfortable with the idea that you could easily quit.

2. Believe that smoking is relaxing. Ignore that the reason it is calming you down is because you are taking deep breaths.

3. Look to nicotine as a savior and romanticize it whenever you can.

4. Believe to the roots of your soul that you look cool whilst you are smoking, blow seductively when you exhale, and look out of the corner of your eye, secure in the knowledge that you are captivating anyone who is looking at you. The more you believe this, the more defiance you will show anyone who disapproves of your habit.

5. See the cancer warnings on the box as decoration, as propaganda or you could block them out from your mind entirely. You could also choose to like them – pick a favourite and make fun of them as often as you can and laugh until you get out of breath – which will be easier for you since you regularly deprive yourself of oxygen.

6. Be terrified of doing nothing and or/being seen doing nothing and use a cigarette to keep yourself busy.

7. Hang around other smokers as much as possible

8. Roll your eyes at non-smokers when they tell you it’s bad for you

9. Have a mean look for people who try to stop you from smoking, it should be effective against any future ideas they might have for getting in your way. When your look is perfected all none-smokers should be too terrified to mention that your smoke is clogging up their lungs, making their voice scratchy, that it smells bad and that it’s unfairly making them pay for your habit.

10. Factor cancer in at the same possibility as a car accident

11. On that note include that people die every day and eat healthy and still suffer terrible illnesses

12. Refuse to feel guilty when you get bronchial illnesses and anything lung-related. See it as an occupational hazard or better still convince yourself that it is unrelated.

13. Insist that it is a habit (refuse to believe it is a bad one) or a hobby and not an addiction and that you can stop anytime you want

14. Do things that encourage you to smoke– sit in the smoking section, drink alcohol, go to UCT.. that sort of thing.

15. Believe that smokers are a society and you all look out for each other

16. Know the science of smoking and its effect so that when anyone tells you about it you can feel extra self-satisfied when you say, “I know”

by Gugu Mamba