How to ensure you stay a smoker for the rest of your life

How to ensure that you stay a smoker for the rest of your life

1. The best start is with an addictive personality. The more in denial you are of your addictive personality the longer you will be comfortable with the idea that you could easily quit.

2. Believe that smoking is relaxing. Ignore that the reason it is calming you down is because you are taking deep breaths.

3. Look to nicotine as a savior and romanticize it whenever you can.

4. Believe to the roots of your soul that you look cool whilst you are smoking, blow seductively when you exhale, and look out of the corner of your eye, secure in the knowledge that you are captivating anyone who is looking at you. The more you believe this, the more defiance you will show anyone who disapproves of your habit.

5. See the cancer warnings on the box as decoration, as propaganda or you could block them out from your mind entirely. You could also choose to like them – pick a favourite and make fun of them as often as you can and laugh until you get out of breath – which will be easier for you since you regularly deprive yourself of oxygen.

6. Be terrified of doing nothing and or/being seen doing nothing and use a cigarette to keep yourself busy.

7. Hang around other smokers as much as possible

8. Roll your eyes at non-smokers when they tell you it’s bad for you

9. Have a mean look for people who try to stop you from smoking, it should be effective against any future ideas they might have for getting in your way. When your look is perfected all none-smokers should be too terrified to mention that your smoke is clogging up their lungs, making their voice scratchy, that it smells bad and that it’s unfairly making them pay for your habit.

10. Factor cancer in at the same possibility as a car accident

11. On that note include that people die every day and eat healthy and still suffer terrible illnesses

12. Refuse to feel guilty when you get bronchial illnesses and anything lung-related. See it as an occupational hazard or better still convince yourself that it is unrelated.

13. Insist that it is a habit (refuse to believe it is a bad one) or a hobby and not an addiction and that you can stop anytime you want

14. Do things that encourage you to smoke– sit in the smoking section, drink alcohol, go to UCT.. that sort of thing.

15. Believe that smokers are a society and you all look out for each other

16. Know the science of smoking and its effect so that when anyone tells you about it you can feel extra self-satisfied when you say, “I know”

by Gugu Mamba

Lower Main, Observatory bookshop

I found a neat bookshop at Lower Main street in Observatory Cape Town when I was there week before last.

They sell muffins and coffee AND  they sell some French books, which excited me to no end.

I bought a book by Flaubert because he wrote Madame Bovary so he must be good. I hear of him and Proust being referred to in films and blogs I come across so I reckon either one is worth a try. One day when I speak French I will read it and maybe it'll be my favourite.

I also bought Bleak House by Charles Dickens. I may just be inspired to read it one day, but I'm in no rush. I read the first page though and the guy goes on and on with his description of fog... which I'm not too sure about. I feel like at least trying to read Dickens will make me a better writer though so I will read it one day.

Classic book adaptations by the BBC

I like the idea of classic English literature, reading it, however, is another matter entirely.  Having loved Shakespeare in high school (we read Romeo & Juliet and Julius Caesar) I had hoped to be able to enjoy more but my love of reading it seems to have peaked with Oscar Wilde and never reached that level since. Fortunately the BBC makes fantastic adaptations of classic English literature, so I can enjoy those because I find the language in the books tricky.  I tend towards the love stories, they brighten rainy days for me.

I am yet to read the Jane Austen collection of stories my best friend got me, I have been lucky enough to find a few of miniseries adaptations of her books and have probably bored her enough times with my love for them. She is also a Sense and Sensibility fan (the Ang Lee version which is dreamy and beautiful). I feel I've watched Sense and Sensibiliy and Pride and Prejudice enough times not to find the language as tricky.

I am keen on finding the Henry James collection on DVD.  I really enjoyed Portrait of a lady with Nicole Kidman in the lead role and I read a little of the book a few years back. I remember liking how he explained things. Charles Dickens is just a snoozefest for me to read, but the adaptations of his work are wonderful, I'm glad some people like him enough to make him palatable for us in other forms.

I think it would be nice if the SABC would also do this for good South African literature, even if they just made plays adapted from the books available on DVD.

Where to buy books?

I'm fond of books; underworld stories, collections of essays and books about sensitive people who have written in detail about suffering, whether the accounts are fictional or real. I also like books about books. So much so I often choose to buy them.  I don't have a library, I'm just sentimental about having them around, they keep my soul warm. Books are pricey in SA though. A brand spanking new book tends to cost the equivalent of 15 loaves of bread if its fiction, 20 loaves of bread if its political non-fiction or from a fifth of those prices if its at a second hand book shop.

I have bought books at Exclusive books, CNA, Bargain books, Adams, Protea Boekwinkel, Van Schaik and Juta.

I have bought books at back alleyway stalls and hidden and front-facing 2nd hand bookshops, fleamarkets and at one very stocked Hospice in Pretoria.

I have also bought books online at www.loot.co.za, www.takealot.co.za and www.kalahari.com.

Its still not enough though, I think more shops should sell books. Fashion shops should sell fashion books, Pharmacies should sell health books (Dischem does this), tattoo parlours should sell tattoo books, video shops should sell books about film, CD stores should sell books about music... that sort of thing.

Some books I read last year

These books make me smile.  Some reads I'm glad I've read.  I don't read a lot but, of late,  when I do I like flowery prose and underworld stories. The Quiet Violence of Dreams by K. Sello Duiker has a lot of both. It's such a painful story but the journey is fantastic. I was stressed out after I read it though, there is so much suffering described in painful detail I felt like I went through it by reading it. I've read it twice. It's of great sentimental value to me because its the first book by a South Aftrican writer that I remember reading and thoroughly enjoying. I forget a lot of what I read and I don't finish books it they aren't gripping so loving a book means a lot to me.

Room 207 was another great read, I want to read more of Kgebetli Moele's books. Its so Jozi and so real and so relatable  at the same time.

A million little pieces by James Frey is the kind of book that makes one suffer emotionally, which I rather like when I read, for reasons I don't understand but hope I won't find I need therapy for later in life. It was the first drug memoir I read and although later shown to have been hugely embellished, which is mentioned in the note to the reader at the beginning, did not affect my reading of it. I did not read it to find lessons, being devoid of a drug habit myself, so I didn't feel cheated just because it, debatably, should be moved to the fiction section.  I want to read 'my friend Leonard' by James Frey one day . No rush, life is long.

I came across Melinda Ferguson's 'Smacked' whilst looking for the autobiography of a heroin addict Oprah interviewed. I can't remember her name but she has reddish hair and had a really sad story.  I couldn't find that book but I found this one and thought it would do.  In any case I read and loved it, I'd like to read it over before I read the yellow follow up book about how she's living clean. I saw an article she wrote in a magazine the other day, True Love, I think. This lady has had one rough time of things but she's alive, I had no idea heroin addicts lived past 40.  Just shows you possibilities.

David Bullard's out to lunch is a book I read because a friend on facebook is fond of him (this may be past tense now, I haven't checked). I generally find said friend a reasonable sort of guy so I read this book .  He has some interesting insights and a he's funny.

Le Divorce I adore. J'adore. I read it after I saw the film because I liked the film so much, it was so pretty and so comedy-of-manners like I like so I thought I'd enjoy it.  I did. I enjoyed Kate Hudson's cheerfulness in the film. 

More non-fiction

I have been trying for some time now to read more non-fiction and less fiction. I'd like to read books on subjects I'm interested in knowing more about, like music production and illustration as well as essays by the journalists of our day and books that give insight into different South African realities. I figured I've been reading fiction all my life, why not learn more about useful things for a change.

This desire for non-fiction was also inspired by two books. First I read the Quiet Violence of Dreams by K. Sello Duiker, a novel about a young man who goes to University in Cape Town and is admitted to a mad-house for some sort of cannabis-induced craziness. That book made me curious about the 28s gang; the protagonist in the book shared a flat a guy that was a 28. 

So when I saw Jonny Steinberg's book called 'The Number' I picked it up immediately. I read that and was traumatized by that account of the numbers gangs.  I really enjoy Jonny Steinberg's writing style, I really get lost in his books.

To my non-fiction end I started reading Killing Kebble...one day when I finish reading it I'll say what my thoughts on it are.

Chinua Achebe - The Education of a British Protected Child

The Education of a British-Protected Child by Chinua Achebe is a collection of essays he wrote at different points in his career and I am proud to have this pleasant read as the first book I finished this year.  I have always wanted to read a book by Chinua Achebe and maybe I will read more now, having gotten used to the idea of Chinua Achebe's views and style as a writer.

I was drawn to The Education of a British Protected Child because of its title. I honestly set out to read South African non-fiction this year but this title aroused my curiousity. I am curious about Nigeria's education system because I've heard about how Nigeria has the best education system in Africa as well as the highest literacy in Africa. I thought the book might provide some insight into how their education system was influenced by Colonisation. It did.

I am also curious about Nigeria's education system as a British colony in relation to other African colonies. I once read that the French colonized the Africans in a manner of trying to civilize them by making them French whilst the English did it simply to occupy and I am curious to what extent this is true.

I like this book for a couple of reasons. Firstly it is readable and I like readable books. The writer comes across as a man who would like to share his knowledge and insight by inviting readers to think about things.

Secondly I felt that Chinua Achebe comes off as an incredibly reasonable sort of guy who makes his point simply and quickly without rambling and I found his analogies useful.

The most interesting point he made, I found, is that colonizers tried to make the colonized seem inhuman to justify that they were stealing from them, that they were savages and could not govern themselves. One must always be wary of this.  In being human we are also subject to human weaknesses, but part of dealing with these weaknesses means being able to identify injustices and call them by their proper names.  I think this theory applies in all areas life too.

He also impresses on me that we should speak for ourselves about our history and cultures and not let writers who speak for colonizers determine our story, they can tell theirs, but they must not determine ours because not only will they exaggerate their successes, they will downplay their cruelties and exaggerate those of the conquered because no one wants to be seen as a villain in history.

I like how Chinua Achebe acted locally and globally.  He wrote, spoke, listened, read and all the while paying attention. He travelled as well as wrote and gave talks both in his country and abroad.

I also like that he was the first functional editor of Heinemann African Writers' series. I have loved and completely romanticized that book series ever since we had Maru as a setbook in high school. I would like to read as many books as I can from that series. 

I will probably read this book again. I enjoyed reading it and learning from it.